Not so simple
by Ira4
Summary: Rollaro one shot. Will Amanda take Nick back after he ignored her calls?


_Just a little Rollaro one shot I wrote after watching the first episode of the new season._

_I don't own the characters._

* * *

It has been almost a month since he got back to SVU. Nick was happy to be working there again, it felt as if things could be back to normal. But there was something, someone, he has been missing.

Amanda.

Before the Wilkes case they've been…well, he wasn't sure how to describe it, but it was nice to spend time with someone else, be physically closed to someone.

Sure, after the demotion he kept his distance, but everything was better now, maybe they could go back to the way it was?

That evening he caught her alone and asked if she wanted to meet that night, maybe go to her place later. She seemed to be thinking about it for a moment and then agreed to his offer.

When the day was over she got into his car but before he could turn the engine on she looked at him and told him to wait.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't want you to come over tonight, Nick" she told him.

"Oh" he sounded a bit confused "no problem, you want me to drop you off?"

She shook her head "I just wanted to talk to you privately" she answered looking at him.

He tried to read her, but wasn't sure what her expression meant.

"Look" she began talking "I know that what you and I had was mostly sex, we didn't want to be alone and it was nice, really nice" she looked down on her knees and then at him again "but then you were gone, you just ignored me and…"

"I know" he interrupted "and I'm sorry about it, but I've been going through a tough time, I…"

It was her turn to get in the way of his words "but that's exactly it Nick" she said, raising her hands a little and placing them back next to her thighs "things got rough and you ignored me" it was his turn to look away but she continued speaking "look, you were not my boyfriend, I never expected you to talk to me all the time or anything" she took a little breathe, he was looking at her again now "but you completely ignored me, if you wanted us to be over you should have just said so, but you left me hanging and it sucks"

"Amanda I'm sorry, you're right, but it's been so hard for me…"he stopped talking when she chuckled, it was one of her pissed off chuckles.

"I know" she said "but that's your problem Nick"

He gave her a questioning look and was about to say something but she didn't give him a chance to talk "you always feel like everything happens _to_ you" she said "Maria left _you_, Zara was taken away from _you_, _you_ were demoted" she looked deep into his eyes now, her words were harsh but her voice wasn't "but you have a part in everything Nick, I think you ignore it because you don't want to admit you are wrong, that you make mistakes"

They were both quiet for a moment, he wasn't sure what to say.

"You expect things to go one way and when they don't you blame everyone else" he opened his mouth to talk now but again she didn't let him "you are a good man Nick, I know that, and I know you've been through a tough time, so was I, you know that and again, that's why we started this…thing" she let out another chuckle, softer this time "this thing between us, but I realized more than you want to be there for someone you want someone to be there for you" she could see he wanted to protest and she raised her hand a little, signing him to wait "and that's ok, but I need to know that when things get rough for me I could trust someone to be there, but I don't know if I can trust you" she said the last part with a sad look in her eyes "what if I called because I _needed_ someone?" she asked and he realized he hadn't even thought about that possibility back then.

"Because this thing I have" she shrugged, she didn't have to say it, he knew she was talking about her addiction, "it's never going away Nick, and at some point it's going to be hard and I'm going to need someone there for me and honestly" her voice was more quiet now "I'm not sure I can trust you to be that someone, even if it is just sex I don't deserve that, I don't think I…"

He waited for her to continue but she didn't say anything for what felt like a long time.

"I should go" she finally said, she left the car without waiting for his response. He watched her walking away and leaned into the seat once she disappeared from his eyes.

Nick couldn't even understand his feelings right now. He realized it was true, he didn't even think of the possibility she needed to talk to someone when she called him, he was so angry about being demoted he didn't even consider the fact a friend of his needed him.

Maybe she was right.

The next day he wasn't sure how it would be between them, but she wasn't weird or anything, she treated him like a coworker even though sometimes he glanced at her for no reason, he was professionals enough not to make anyone suspicious of anything.

But on the inside it was different, it took him almost a week to figure out this feeling he'd been having, the emptiness, the longing for something. Except it wasn't _something_, and now it was clear to him, he missed her.

But he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want her to feel like she couldn't trust him. Like he wouldn't be there for her.

He wanted to do just that, to be the one she _could_ call.

* * *

It's been almost a month since they had that talk in his car. His feelings didn't disappear or lessened, just the opposite. He found himself thinking about her more, he wondered what she might think about a movie he watched, or a new dish he tried. How it would be like to have her in his life like that, share things with her.

He got to the station early one morning, the previous day he overheard Amanda tell Fin she wanted to get ahead on some paperwork. Nick wanted a chance to have a word with her alone. Not that they didn't spend any time alone since that evening, but it was always about work.

She got there and saw him waiting outside the station.

"Good morning" he greeted her when she got closer to him.

"Hey" she smiled, she was about to walk in when he called her.

"Can we have a quick word?" he asked.

She nodded and walked back over to him.

I wanted to say that you were right" he started, she bit her lip a little and he wasn't sure if it was because she didn't know what he was talking about or because she didn't want to talk about it "that night in my car" he said "everything you said was true. And saying just I'm sorry is not enough, but I am sorry, I'm more than sorry. I want you to know that I don't ever want to hurt you again. You said you didn't deserve this, you are absolutely right" he stopped for a second, she just looked at him, her face seemed soft and he continued "I don't deserve you, you are too good for me, but I want to try" he gave her a chance to respond but she stayed quiet "I don't want it to be like before, I want more than that, it's probably not going to be perfect, I'm not going to be perfect but I would do my best to try. Would you consider it?"

She nodded after a minute or two, then without saying anything she walked back to the station. He followed her after a while.

They didn't get to talk about anything except for work that day, even though they had sometime just the two of them. He hoped it didn't mean she was going to refuse his offer, he couldn't blame her if she did. It was getting late and he had one report to finish up before he would go home. He heard her and Fin laughing, probably some private joke between the two of them since he couldn't understand what they've been talking about.

"I'm gonna head out" Fin told her.

"Me too" she said and they both took their coats before walking outside.

"Night Amaro" Fin smiled at him and Nick wished him good night too.

"Bye" Amanda turned to him and then added something, quietly, before walking towards the elevator "ok"

Nick smiled to himself as he watched her, he got another chance with her, he was not going to mess it up.

* * *

-The end-


End file.
